Some thoughts

About a year ago I was invited to participate a forum held by COSWAS (Collective Of Sex Workers And Supporters) in Taipei. It was an event that was devoted to destigmatization and empowerment of sex workers. The forum was divided into 3 parts, a keynote speech, a presentation of a documentary film, and the Q&A session. The whole event was actually quite interesting as it was filled with pleasant and active discussions. But nothing could be more interesting when the hostess reminded us that there will be a special guest, who voluntarily wanted to come to share his personal story to explain why sex work should be allowed and legitimated. I have to admit that I was quite curious about and looked forward to his talk for nothing could be more vivid and fascinating than a personal story speaking from the first party perspective. Toward the end of the event the man finally appeared and was soon invited to give his talk. He was a short and stout middle-age man, with dark complexion and a fairly normal look. From the appearance he may just seem any other guy that walks through the front of Taipower building every morning, busying to make his ends meet. But the story he told us proved to be a silent bomb that was soundlessly ignited in our minds, at least so in a rather traditional society like Taiwan. He said that he has married and his wife comes from Columbia. He then showed us he and his wife's pictures to prove his story's validity. He said he met his wife at a lounge bar in a department store near Taipei train station a couple of years ago. He met her when she was a 'prostitute' working in Taipei. She said she was trafficked to Taiwan to conduct prostitution and had suffered from a miserable life. He didn't explain out of what intention he approached that woman but simply saying that their first meeting was filled with pleasant talks. The girl suffered from drug addiction and was confined by local gangsters to prevent her from running away. Out of sympathy or admiration for this girl, perhaps, he decided to help her get out of the situation and send her back to her own country. However, the first thing to make her stay in Taiwan legal is to obtain a valid visa; and the quickest and safest way is to give her a spouse position. Thus, he married her. I noticed that when he said this, there was not a sense of regret in his face, as if all this came naturally and perfectly well for him. Yet, the visa processing for a foreign spouse takes about half a year then. Thus, before her permanent visa could be issued, she could only use a visitor's visa to temporarily stay in Taiwan for 2 months during each visit; this means that she had to leave Taiwan every 2 months and then re-enter in order to stay here legally. Hence, this man spent all his money to travel with her to a nearby country every 2 months and then flied back to Taiwan to assure her visa’s legal status. During that period this guy was even diagnosed to have a tumor in his brain and hence had to receive a high risk surgery. He told us that it was until the moment he was sent to the surgery room, unable to anticipate his life and death, that he finally phoned his mother to tell her the true story--that he had married to a Columbian prostitute woman. His mom bursted into tears on the other side of the phone.

Nevertheless, that guy made through the surgery, sound and alive. After that, he immediately arranged a meeting for his mother and his wife. (His father had passed away when he was young.) When he was saying this, we almost thought that this story will make a tragic turn and lead to a happy end, that they will eventually stay in Taiwan, or elsewhere, and live happily ever after. Yet, his story again shattered our romantic illusion. His 'wife' still left Taiwan and never contacted him again. They have never met or corresponded with each other since then. When I asked him has he ever asked for his wife's home address or phone number in Columbia, the answer I get is a simple 'no', and he, again, replied that in a casual and easy manner, as if this story should be ending in that way. The only thing that woman left him is a picture they took together with his mother at the airport, obviously before her departure.Neither did the woman contact him after she left in the past few years. What makes me unthinkable is that he still calls that woman his 'wife' now. I can even smell a sense of proud and happiness in the man's gestures and utterance. Does that come from his conviction that he has married to a ‘white woman’? It seems that he had never questioned this weird relationship, nor this woman's intention or feelings toward him. In fact, throughout his confession the voice of that woman was never heard, as if she was a fake figure, a mere projection of his personal desire, and an object of narcissist love that needs no subjective understanding. It is really unthinkable to spend all your money and energy on someone, whose job is to make money from you through faking a relationship, and giving you an illusion of romance.As he almost finished his story, the hostess finally reminded him to talk more about how he thinks about the destigmatization and legalization of sex works. He then ended his talk with a brief conclusion that sex work is the most lasting human profession in history and that's why sex work should be legalized. After he finished his talk, the audience still gave him an applause, but no one had raised any question. I guess I know the reason and I think many of us had the same question in our minds. Perhaps we all wanted to know: did it ever occur to him that he was just used by that prostitute but still stupidly indulging in that fake romance? After the event I met him in the rear of the conference room. I couldn't help but asked him, "Without offense, but do you really think there is love between the two of you?" The man shrugged a bit and replied, "Well, I like her. And, yeah, I admit that I found her very attractive." Then he went on to explain how prostitute women are better than ordinary ones. He said prostitute women have a sort of quality that ordinary women do not possess. I had a feeling that he was invading my question and the many sub-questions that it entails: how does he know that he was not used by that prostitute woman? How does he know that she also considered herself as his ‘wife’? I mean look what she had done to you, flying away and never came back? Not even a phone call for the past few years? Does she really worth all this? Does it make any sense to call her your 'wife' now even she’d never wanted to contact you for all these years? I could never forget his natural look when he was still trying to make excuses for her by saying that it is because he had changed his phone and address that made her unable to find him. It really strikes me that how could he trust a relationship like this even if time has proved that he had lost everything. It is equally unthinkable that even so many years later, his trust on that relationship still persists. We can of course say that he’s only justifying his desire of picking up a prostitute and his choice of marrying to one. However, saying this is almost like saying that falling to a prostitute woman is morally wrong. For such reasoning has presupposed that a prostitute woman is morally defect and degrading--that she, as a prostitute, in this case, is only trying to make money without taking her relationship with that guy seriously. In short, feeling uneasy about their ‘relationship’ underlies the fact that we have thought of her as a cold-blooded, selfish, and opportunist who needs no true love and affection. Yet, of course, she might be exactly that kind of person, and it's always better to be aware of others nowadays. For in a capitalist society, everyone is trying hard to 'swindle' your money from your pockets and still have your feel happy. That’s the ruse of all businessman, clerk, salesman, etc., isn’t it? Reasoning in this way might make us feel better about his tragic/heroic story. And yes, if the ultimate purpose of the capitalist society is to pursue genuine interest, there is really nothing to blame about that prostitute woman. That guy should be ware of this long ago. Don’t forget he’s a frequent customer of prostitution!

Perhaps the problem that bothers me is not really about prostitution as a legal profession, but my definition of what a relationship should be like. It seems I had problems recognizing their ‘relationship’ as a true relationship because it completely falls out of my expectation and understanding. It seems that I have presupposed what a relationship should be like, including its length, its
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